by Timothy Meinke

Inspired by ideas from Shawn Bakken and Dennis Keierleber

Marvin….…………………………….............Movie theatre usher

Announcer……………………………………Voice-over

Nikki/Nathan………………………............…Giving birth/Theatre Owner

Myron….……………………………..............Baby/New usher

Medieval Knights

MOVIE THEATRE. MARVIN STANDS FACING THE CAMERA IN HIS TRADEMARK COSTUME. NIKKI IS LYING ON A TABLE BEHIND HIM WITH A SHEET DRAPED OVER HER. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY IN LABOR.

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) And now, mediocre moments in movies; by Marvin D. Usher.

MARVIN

"The Bourne Supremacy."

MARVIN STEPS BACK AND TURNS TO SPEAK BETWEEN NIKKI’S LEGS.

MARVIN

I don’t care what you have to do; get born!

CUE SOUND OF BABY CRYING. MARVIN REACHES BETWEEN NIKKI’S LEGS AND PRODUCES A BABY DOLL WRAPPED IN A BLANKET.

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) And now, mediocre moments in movies; by Marvin D. Usher.

MARVIN

(UNEXPECTED CUE.) Uh… (INSPIRED.) "The Bourne Identity!" (CEREMONIOUSLY.) I call you… (TENTATIVELY.) Tim?

KNIGHTS

(SUDDENLY APPEAR.) Hail, Tim! Hail, Tim!

SCENE ENDS AS FILM JAMMING, BURNING, THEN BREAKING. SOUND OF NEEDLE SCRATCHING RECORD. CUT TO MARVIN STANDING NEXT TO NIKKI ON THE TABLE. SHE HAS THE BABY DOLL IN HER ARMS.

MARVIN SHAKES HIS HEAD TO CLEAR IT, THEN LEANS FORWARD TO LOOK AT THE DOLL.

MARVIN

It’s a boy! What’s his name?

NIKKI

Marvin, this is Myron.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP OF MYRON’S YOUNG ADULT OR TEENAGED FACE IN A BABY BONNET AND BLANKETS CROOKED IN NIKKI’S ARM. SHE IS LOOKING AT HIM IN A MOTHERLY WAY.

MYRON SPITS OUT THE PACIFIER HE HAD IN HIS MOUTH.

MYRON

(YOUNG ADULT VOICE.) How ya’ doing?

FILM JAMS, BURNS AND BREAKS. CUT TO NATHAN AND (Normal.) MYRON STANDING IN THE LOBBY LOOKING AT THE CAMERA. MYRON HAS ON A TEE SHIRT WITH A TUXEDO SCREEN-PRINTED ON IT.

NATHAN

Marvin?

CUT TO ALL THREE.

MARVIN

(STARTLED OUT OF REVERIE.) Oh! Nice to meet you, Myron! (EXTENDS HAND.)

NATHAN

This is Myron’s first day. I want you to show him the ropes. Marvin is our best usher. I want you to puppy-dog him and observe everything he does. Good luck and welcome aboard. (EXITS.)

MARVIN

Okay, Rookie! Where would you like to start?

CUT TO CLOSE-UP OF MYRON WITH EYES GLOWING AND RED HORNS SPROUTING FROM HIS HEAD.

MYRON

Kiss your nice, cushy job "goodbye" OLD man! I’m the new KID in town!

ANNOUNCER

(VOICE-OVER.) And now, mediocre moments in movies; by Marvin D. Usher.

MARVIN

(NERVOUSLY.) The Omen?

CUT TO MYRON LAUGHING EVILLY. CUT TO MARVIN’S ROOM. THERE IS A BUNK BED. MARVIN IS IN THE TOP BUNK AND MYRON IS IN THE BOTTOM BUNK. CUT TO MARVIN AS HE SUDDENLY AWAKES SCREAMING. HE CALMS DOWN, THEN LOOKS DOWN AT MYRON IN THE BOTTOM BUNK. MYRON IS SLEEPING WITH A TEDDY BEAR AND HIS THUMB IN HIS MOUTH. MARVIN LIES BACK AND CLOSES HIS EYES. CUE MYRON’S EVIL LAUGHTER. MARVIN’S EYES FLY OPEN. CUT TO BLACK.

The End

Director’s Note:

The Nikki/Nathan character is based on the assumption that the owner of the theatre would be interested in playing both roles. Otherwise, a male and female actor can play the respective roles.