Tim………………………………............................Writer/Director

Dan………………………………............................Cameraman

The Bear………………………………...................A bear

Matthew………………………………....................Executive producer

A Hunter, Two Exotic Dancers

RIVER CENTRE. EXTERIOR. CAMERA OPENS ON POSTERBOARD DISPLAYING A “BARNAKEDLADIES” POSTER. BANNER ACROSS POSTER READS, “CANCELLED.” TIM AND DAN ENTER ONSCREEN. DAN IS CARRYING A VIDEO CAMERA. THEY STOP AND SEE POSTER.

TIM

Oh, great! We promised Matthew we’d shoot a celebrity intro with these guys!

DAN LOOKS OFF INTO THE DISTANCE. CUT TO LONG SHOT OF A BEAR ENTERING “THE BEAR’S DEN GENTLEMEN’S CLUB.” CUT BACK TO DAN AND TIM.

DAN

I got an idea! Follow me!

CUT TO BLACK. CUE “BARENAKEDLADIES” SONG. FADE IN TO INTERIOR OF GENTLEMEN’S CLUB. THE BEAR IS SITTING AT THE STAGE WITH A HAMM’S BEER CAN BESIDE HIS ELBOWS. TWO EXOTIC DANCERS DANCE IN FRONT OF HIM. BEAR SLIPS SOME MONEY INTO THEIR G-STRINGS. HE TURNS TO CAMERA.

BEAR

Hi! I’m a bear. (INDICATES DANCERS.) And these are the naked ladies.

DANCERS WAVE SEDUCTIVELY AT CAMERA. THEY MOVE BACKSTAGE TO DANCE AROUND THE POLE.

BEAR

Ya’ know, after a long, hard day of fishing for salmon and cracking open beehives for honey, there’s nothing I like better than to come in here, crack open a cold one and visit with my other honeys. (INDICATES DANCERS.) Well, except maybe for one thing; I LOVE to watch the WaZoo! Show! The WaZoo! Show is one of the funniest shows on television! Whenever I want a good laugh, all I have to do is turn on “The WaZoo! Show!” It brightens my day better than a big bear hug! “The WaZoo! Show” is so crazy and outrageous, it’s funnier than me pooping in the woods. And I don’t use any of that fancy toilet paper, neither!

THE HUNTER SITS DOWN NEXT TO HIM AND PROPS HIS SHOTGUN AGAINST THE STAGE. BEAR IS SUDDENLY VERY NERVOUS.

BEAR

Hey. How ya’ doing?

HUNTER NODS TO BEAR, THEN TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO THE DANCERS.

BEAR

Well, I hope you enjoy this episode of “The WaZoo! Show.” I had so much fun telling you about it that I’m going to go home and watch it right now. (Sotto Voce to dancers.) Hey, ladies! Come here!

DANCERS MOVE OVER TO HIM. BEAR SLIPS MORE MONEY INTO THEIR G-STRINGS.

BEAR

Take REEAALLY good care of friend (INDICATES HUNTER.) here, okay?

DANCERS NOD AND START DANCING FOR THE HUNTER. BEAR MAKES A VERY QUICK EXIT. CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF EXTERIOR OF THE BEAR’S DEN. BEAR EXITS THE BUILDING AND ENTERS THE WOODS.

CUT TO WaZOO! EDITING SUITE. MATTHEW SITS AT THE MONITOR. TIM AND DAN SIT ON EITHER SIDE OF HIM AND WATCH WITH NERVOUS ANTICIPATION. MATTHEW GIVES EACH OF THEM A LOOK AND SHAKES HIS HEAD. HE TAKES THE TAPE OUT AND PUTS ANOTHER TAPE IN. HE PRESSES PLAY. CUE THE REAL CELEBRITY INTRO.

THE END