by Jim Nordgaard 8/3/00
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY,
NEXT TO MAIN LOBBY - DAY
JACK, 20's, staffs a small table. On the table is an open bottle of champagne and sample cups. A sign on the table reads "New French Champagne! Try it." Stacked against the wall behind Jack are 5 "4-packs" of champagne.
CONVENTIONEERS wearing
name tags ignore the table or give Jack strange looks. Jack tries to flag
them down.
JACK
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Would you like some champagne? Ma'am?(gets up, extends hand)
Hi I'm Jack...If I could have a moment of your time...Hi, I know you're busy...
(grabs cups)
Try some champagne!...Here you go......Here, a free sample...
Conventioneers get annoyed. A man sweeps
the cup away. The champagne spills on Jack's sleeve. Jack brushes off the
champagne, and returns to his chair. The HOTEL MANAGER steps in front of
the table, glares at Jack.
It finally dawns on Jack, and he reacts in shock.JACK
Hello sir. Are you an astronomer?HOTEL MANAGER
A what?JACK
Are you here for the convention? I see you're wearing a name tag.HOTEL MANAGER
I am the hotel manager. What the hell do you think you're doing here?JACK
I was assigned to sell this champagne to the astronomers here.HOTEL MANAGER
This is the Radisson. The astronomers' convention is at the Belmont Hotel, down the street. This is the A.A. conventionJACK
Yes, A.A....Association of Astronomers...HOTEL MANAGER
No! A...A...!
The Hotel Manager stomps off.HOTEL MANAGER
Get this crap out of my hotel immediately, or I'll have the cops on you!JACK
Yes sir, yes sir!
Jack loads all five 4-packs of champagne in his arms. He staggers under the load and heads into the entrance leading into the main lobby. He sees the main lobby full of conventioneers. He does a u-turn and tries another exit, but only sees more conventioneers.
He heads down the hall and hears conventioneers
coming, and veers off through a door labeled "Men's Room."
INT. BATHROOM STALL - DAY
A conventioneer is on the toilet reading a newspaper. He HEARS Jack enter the next stall but pays no attention. He sees a 4-pack drop on the floor in the next stall, and smiles knowingly. He sees another 4-pack drop, and stops smiling. He sees three more drop and looks shocked. He sees four individual bottles disappear.
Outside the stalls. Jack emerges from his stall, arranging the four bottles hidden under his jacket(held awkwardly in place by his right arm). He carefully closes the stall door. The conventioneer with the newspaper emerges and glances contemptuously as he passes Jack.
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - DAY
Jack, hunched over, creeps down the hallway. He looks down another hallway. The hotel manager is coming his way. Jack rushes back down the hallway and frantically tries doors until he finds one open. He enters.
INT. ROOM - DAY
A group of four or five people, including middle-aged
MARY, who is smoking a cigarette, BILL and a male GROUP LEADER, sitting
around a circle. Jack enters, sees the people, begins to leave. The group
leader rises, intercepts Jack at the door, and leads him into the room.
Awkwardly hunched over, Jack walks in and sits down.GROUP LEADER
No, don't go! Come in! No need to be timid--you're among friends.JACK
Well actually, I really shouldn't be here.GROUP LEADER
Nonsense. Everyone's welcome here. Have a seat.
Jack, who is next in line, nervously pauses.GROUP LEADER
Since we have a new arrival. Let's do introductions. Mary?MARY
Hi, My name is Mary, and I'm an alcoholic.GROUP
Hi Mary!BILL
Hi, My name is Bill, and I'm an alcoholic.GROUP
Hi, Bill!
GROUP LEADER
(to Jack)
Go ahead.JACK
Hello. My name is Jack. I'm not an alcoholic.GROUP
Hi, Ja-GROUP LEADER
I'm sorry. I thought you said you're NOT an alcoholic.JACK
That's right. I don't REALLY belong here. I was just, well passing through, and...GROUP LEADER
I understand how you feel, Jack. We've all been through this denial. You have to understand that denial is a part of the disease--your disease.JACK
But I REALLY don't have any denial to deny.MARY
(takes a drag)
Oh please. I've up all night doing interventions; I don't have the patience for this denial crap! Just come out and admit it like the rest of us.JACK
But I'm not like you people-MARY
What do you mean, us people?JACK
Alcoholics. (beat) You know, drunks.BILL
You have some nerve calling us that.JACK
(getting up)
Well, I'm not the one who drinks too much...
A bottle falls out of his jacket to the
chair, then to the floor. It rolls across the room. Everyone stares at
the bottle. Jack goes to retrieve the bottle when the another bottle drops
to the floor, then the other two.
Jack takes the bottles and leaves the room. Outside the door, he counts three bottles, reenters the room.BILL
What a minute! I remember you. You're that jerk by the lobby trying to peddle wine.JACK
Champagne, actually.MARY
Sick bastard.JACK
But wait, it was all a mistake. I thought you guys were all star gazers.GROUP LEADER
(picking up a two bottles)
Get the hell out of here. And take these with you.
JACK
Ah...I think I'm missing a bottle here.
People sit frozen and uneasily eye their
neighbors. No bottle is visible. Looking confused, Jack leaves again.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Jack spots an unattended dolly next to some
boxes.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Jack awkwardly exits the men's room with the
dolly stacked with the champagne, which is covered with his jacket. The
hotel manager appears at the far end of the hall and sees Jack.
MANAGER
Hey you!
Jack rushes off with the dolly. The manager
runs after.
INT. BACKSTAGE AUDITORIUM - DAY
Jack enters with the dolly and sets it next to a radiator (or on a heating vent).
He takes his coat and slips out the door.
INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY
At the lectern, a distinguished middle-aged
SPEAKER faces an audience.
INT. BACKSTAGE AUDITORIUM - DAYSPEAKER
Thank you for coming to the 23rd annual convention of Alcoholics Anonymous....
Some sort of HISSING or BUBBLING noise to indicate
the champagne is heating up.
INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY
The speaker continues.
A champagne bottle POPs it's cork, which goes flying across the stage, over the speaker's head. The speaker pauses in confusion.SPEAKER
...let me welcome all you returning attendees...
Another cork POPs and goes flying across stage. The speaker looks around in bewilderment. Champagne bottles start POPPING like firecrackers. The speaker instinctively ducks under the flying corks.SPEAKER
..., in addition to those who are joining us for the first time...
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Jack is tiptoing down the hallway looking out
for the Hotel Manager. He hears the corks popping, and rushes back to the
stage door. The door is stuck when he tries to open it. He moves back a
few steps and rushes full speed at the door. The door swings opens easily.
Jack is propelled into the backstage, where he slips on the champagne spilled
on the floor. He continues to slide onto stage.
INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY
Jack slides across the stage in the same position
as one slides into home base. The crook of his armpit has snagged a champagne
bottle. He passes behind the speaker and stops next to the lecturn. His
staggers to his feet, using the lecturn for support, and slips on the wet
floor. He stands belwildered behind the lecturn.
ENDJACK
Hi...My name is Jack...(beat)...and I have a problem with alcohol.AUDIENCE
Hi Jack!
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