Hooters and Whoppers

A Slow Andy Sketch

by Timothy Meinke

Cast

Slow Andy..................................................................

Holly...........................................................................Hooters Girl

Dim Tim.....................................................................Andy's Dinner Companion

Hooters restaurant. Andy sits at table reading menu. Holly approaches and sets a glass of water down on the table.

Holly

Hi! I'm Holly! I'll be your Hooters girl, tonight.

Andy

Good evening.

Holly

Are you ready to order, Hon?

Andy

Yeah, please. I'll have a large Coke, French fries and a Big Mac.

Holly

(Laughing.) Sweetie! We don't have Big Macs! This is Hooters, not McDonald's.

Andy

Oh, okay. Then, I'll have a large root beer, a banana split and a DQ burger

Holly

Sir? This isn't Dairy Queen. This is Hooters? We don't have DQ burgers or banana splits.

Andy

Oh. Well then, I'll have an orange pop, an order of onion rings and a Whopper.

Holly

(Irritated.) Hello! Look at me! (Indicates each uniform piece.) Suntan pantyhose? Skimpy, orange shorts? Tight, tank top that says "HOOTERS?" (Counts to three to calm down.) I am a Hooters girl and this is a Hooters restaurant, not a Burger King!

Andy

But you do sell burgers here, don't you?

Holly

(Chants under her breath.) "Hooters girls are always friendly and courteous. Hooters girls are always-" (Aloud to Andy. Overly sweet.) We sure do, Sweetie!

Andy

How about a Dr. Pepper, border fries and a taco supreme?

Holly screeches and picks up the glass of water. Before she can throw it at Andy, Tim sits down at the table.

Andy

Tim!

Tim

Hi, Andy!

Holly

(To Tim.) Is he a friend of yours?

Tim

Yes, he is.

Holly