So, Mr. Werpal. How are you feeling?

Fine, Doctor, for a man who almost died.

Indeed. I’ve never seen so many lacerations and contusions in one body.

Lucky I was wearing my seatbelt.

Well, now that you’re as recovered as you’re going to get, I want you to know what to expect.

After what I’ve been through, I’m ready for anything.

Good attitude. Now, you’ll have some stiffness in that wrist.

I can handle that.

You’ll also have a weakened back, slight soreness in your left hip, reduced stamina, impotence, occasional twinges in your thigh, a tendency—

2

What?

Little muscular twinges in your thighs. Nothing to worry about.

No. Before that. Did you say impotence?

Yes, you’ll be impotent. Now you’ll have a tendency to cough if—

I’m going to be impotent? Are you sure?

Yes, quite sure. Now about this cough—

But I can’t be impotent. There must be something you can do.

Not really. Now the cough will only start if—

I can’t be impotent. I’m getting married in two weeks.

Congratulations. This cough will only come if you eat too much or too fast. You—

Did you hear me? I’m getting married!

Yes. Is there a problem?

Is there a problem? I’ll say there’s a problem. Don’t you see? I’m impotent, and I’m supposed to get married. My fiancee will never marry me if I’m impotent.

Oh. Rotten luck, huh? Now this cough--

Rotten luck? Is that all you can say? What kind of a doctor are you?

I’m an orthopedic surgeon, board certified.

Can’t you send me to a specialist? Give me Viagra? I’m too young to do without sex.

You can’t take Viagra. You’ve had some slight liver damage. Not that it would help, anyway.

Are you saying there’s nothing to be done about my impotence?

Well, given how you feel about it, I suppose there is one thing.

I knew there had to be something.

You could call off the wedding.