INT. PET STORE - DAY

An attractive WOMAN comes in the store and stops to look around. SALESMAN ONE approaches and ogles her.

SALESMAN ONE
Hello, Miss. Welcome to Pets Galore. Can I help you?

WOMAN
Oh, yes. I'd like a pet, but I don't know which one to choose.

SALESMAN ONE
Well, what are you looking for in a pet? Something warm and cuddly?

WOMAN
Yes, warm and cuddly.

SALESMAN ONE
And attractive.

WOMAN
Yes.

SALESMAN ONE
Extremely attractive.

WOMAN
I suppose.

SALESMAN ONE
A real looker, you might say.

WOMAN
Well...

SALESMAN ONE
Then may I suggest our cock and tail? I mean, cockatiel.

WOMAN
Oh, what's that?

SALESMAN ONE
He's a bird, Miss. A fine bird, Very attractive, very intelligent and very friendly. Ah, yes. Friendly. Just like family. You know how they go, don't you?

WOMAN
How they go?

SALESMAN ONE
Yeah. They go like this to you.

He takes her hand and nibbles a finger. She pulls it away.

WOMAN
Well, I don't think...

SALESMAN ONE
Oh, but they get a lot friendlier than that.

He nibbles at her cheek. She jumps back with a CRY.

SALESMAN TWO enters. Number One cowers.

SALESMAN TWO
What's going on here, Simpkins?
(to the woman)
Is he bothering you, Miss?

WOMAN
Well, ah...

SALESMAN TWO
(to Number One)
Get out of here!

Number One scurries off.

SALESMAN TWO
about him, Miss. He's new to sales. Tends to forget he's not in public relations anymore. Now, what would you like to see?

WOMAN
he suggested a cockatiel, but...

SALESMAN TWO
no, you don't want one of them. No. Not nearly warm and friendly enough. May I suggest a cat?

WOMAN
a cat might be nice.

SALESMAN TWO
(pointing)
over there, Miss, we've got a great selection of cats. See that black one?
woman looks where he points.

WOMAN
Oh, yes.

SALESMAN TWO
Really friendly, he is. Comes right up to you, he does. And then he goes like this.

SALESMAN TWO rubs his head vigorously against the woman's shoulder and neck. She jumps back with a CRY. The salesman bends over, arches his back and backs up to her. He MEOWS.

The MANAGER enters. Number Two cowers.

MANAGER
What's this, Watkins? Is he bothering you, Miss?

WOMAN
Well, ah...

MANAGER
(to Number Two)
Get out of here!

Salesman Two scurries off.

MANAGER
Sorry about him, Miss. We're changing his medication tomorrow. I'm the manager. Can I help you?

WOMAN
Well, I was looking for a pet. The first salesman suggested a cockatiel and the second suggested a cat.

MANAGER
Oh, no. Those won't do.

WOMAN
What do you suggest?

The manager begins to ogle her. The woman looks increasingly alarmed as the manager talks.

MANAGER
Well, something warm. Frisky. A little husky. And a great judge of bitches. Yes, right over there I've got a dog that goes--

The manager SNIFFS loudly and homes in toward her crotch. He squats and lunges for her lower body. The woman jumps back with a CRY. The manager falls forward as she runs SCREAMING away.

The manager picks himself up. An attractive and sexy SECOND WOMAN comes in.

SECOND WOMAN
Hello. I'm looking for the perfect pet, and I'm going to find it if I have to go through every animal in the store.

MANAGER
Really? May I show you our pythons?

THE END

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