Rumplestiltskin – Corporate Financial Analyst

Characters:

Sally – Auditor. 8 months pregnant.

Barb – Sally’s domineering boss.

Rumplestiltskin – Famous troll.

Scene 1: Sally is working hard at her terminal. Her cube is piled with manuals and paper. Barb walks up.

Barb – How’re the financials coming?

Sally – Well, there’s a lot of work left and…

Barb – (interrupting) I know you’ll finish on time. I have a meeting with the board tomorrow morning to present it and I told them you’d have it ready. So just put it on my desk by 8:00.

Sally – But there’s still the audit reports and the balance sheets to compile and …

Barb – (interrupting) I’m sure you can handle it. If you stay late tonight the company will reimburse you $8 for your dinner. See you later! (leaves)

Sally – (looking after incredulously) Oh great! A whole $8. Waiter, I’ll take the scallops, lobster and send your finest bottle of wine! (Shakes her head). I’ve got a hundred hours of work to finish in twelve, a lousy $8 to spend on dinner and this baby sitting right on my bladder. (starts typing on terminal) I’ll never get through this.

Rumplestiltskin – (out of site. Rhyming troll voice) My fair child, what trouble plagues thee? My help is needed I can plainly see!

Sally – Who’s there? Who is that?

(Rumplestiltskin appears).

Sally – My god! Who’re you?

Rumpl – My name does not matter, I will do your work. Go home and rest, while I make order from this mirk.

(Rumpl pushes Sally out of the chair and begins typing furiously).

Sally – Are you sure you can do it? It’s due by 8:00?

(Rumpl just waves back at her and keeps typing).

Sally – (amazed) Geez, thanks. (leaves).

Scene 2: (Sally arrives at her cube in the morning. It’s straightened and the reports are stacked neatly).

Sally – (looking at the reports and her cube in amazement). Wow! This is amazing. (Barb comes up).

Barb – Oh I see you’ve finished the reports! Great job! This will look good, promotion wise, for you.

Sally – Well thanks but I…

Barb – (interrupting) The board informed me, since you were doing such a great job on these financials, they’d like you to do the inventory reports needed by tomorrow for the tax regulators. I told them you’d be the person who could handle it. So just have those on my desk by 8:00.

Sally – But…But I…

Barb – Thanks! (leaves)

Sally – Crashes in her chair and holds her stomach. Oh god. This is going to be a rotten day. I know nothing about inventory and this baby is giving me huge, painful gas. What am I going to do? Maybe that strange guy will help me again. I’ll call HR and see if they can track him down.

Rumpl – (out of site) Ask what you need and I can help you. A promotion looms near, for you it’s long due!

Sally – (very glad to see him) Hello!! Thanks so much for doing those reports. How can I thank you? I don’t even know your name.

Rumpl – My name can’t be known, it cannot be spoke of. I’ll do your reports, go take the day off. (He pushes Sally out of the way and starts typing away).

Sally – Wow! Thanks! How can I ever repay you.

Rumpl – This time to do this I must receive, that baby of yours, I’ll call him Steve!

Sally – What??!! Hold on pal. You want my baby? Isn’t that a little weird?

(He doesn’t say anything but just keeps typing and waves her off. She just gives a ‘this guy’s a little crazy’ look but starts to leave.)

Sally – Whatever. They’re due at 8:00.

Scene 3: (Sally arrives at her cube the next morning and the reports are done and stacked).

Sally – (looking at them) Amazing!

Barb – (walks up) Great! You have the reports! I also am happy to announce that the board has approved your promotion to Senior Financial Analyst. Congratulations!

Sally – Thanks! I really…

Barb – (interrupting) I have to take these to the board meeting. Why don’t you get off your feet. You look like you’re ready to deliver!

Scene 4: (Sally in the office with her baby. Showing it to all her co-workers. They randomly compliment, touch the baby, and give gifts.)

Sally – Well I have to get going. It’s Cory’s feeding and changing time.

(They filter away saying their goodbyes).

Rumpl – (out of site) My baby is here, you’ve brought him to me. His name is not Cory, I’ve named him Steve!

(He appears).

Sally – You know I really appreciate the work you did but there’s no way I’m giving you my baby. There are laws against that plus it’s just plain weird!

Rumpl – Your baby you may keep if one test you pass. In three days you must guess my name, or Steve is mine at last!

Sally – His name is Cory! You want me to guess your name? And I have three days to do it? (Rumpl nods and greedily tries to grab at the baby).

Sally – You mean like Rumplestiltskin?

(Rumpl is momentarily stunned.)

Rumpl – (non troll-like voice) Oh damn you got it on the first try!!

Sally – Well duh! My mom read me the book when I was a kid.

Rumpl – Early publicity really hurt my career later.

Sally – I thought you spun gold out of straw. What’s with the corporate financial work.

Rumpl – I developed allergies to straw pollen. I tried a few other things then kind of fell into this work. Hot market and good benefits.

Sally – Well lay off the baby payment stuff and I’ll put in a word to HR for you.

Rumpl – Old habits are hard to break. I better get moving. It would be hard if I worked here. You and I passing in the hall, making awkward eye contact. I’ll try over at the bank down the street. … See ya. (dejected, he starts to leave)

Sally – Rumplestiltskin. (He pauses and turns). If it’s any consolation Cory’s middle name is Robert. That’s pretty close to your name.

(Rumpl nods half-heartedly and leaves).

Announcer – And thus ended the career of Rumplestiltskin, Corporate Financial Analyst.

WaZoo!	Talent Pool	Past Episodes	Ideas
Go to home page	Breaking News	Production Schedule	E-Mail

This site designed and maintained by Celtic Fringe Web Design