The End
A Slow Andy Sketch

By Timothy Meinke


Cast

Liquor Store Clerk…………………………
Slow Andy...................................................Customer
Usher………………………………………From "Outta' Popcorn." Non-speaking


Liquor store. Clerk stands behind counter. Andy approaches counter. He has on a neck brace, bandages around his head and burns on his face. Clerk whistles in amazement.


Clerk

Hey, Pal! Looks like you need some help!

Andy

Yeah, please. I need a carton of Marlboros, a twelve-pack of Budweiser and five "WaZoo Show" scratch game lottery tickets.


Cut to clerk. Marlboros are on counter. (S)he is reaching for tickets.


Clerk

(Pointing.) The beers are over there and- oh! It looks like we only have one "WaZoo" lottery ticket left. (Holds it up.)

Andy

Then, I'll take a carton of Camels, a liter of Phillip's Vodka and five "WaZoo Show" scratch game lottery tickets.


Clerk gives him a look, takes Marlboros off the counter and reaches for the Camels.


Clerk

(Irritated.) The vodkas are over there, (Points.) here are your Camels, but this is the only "Wazoo" lottery ticket we have left!

Andy

Oh, okay. How about an Australian 2000 Rosemount Estate Grenache Shiraz wine, a pack of Pall Malls and five "Wazoo Show scratch game lottery tickets?


Clerk gives an exasperated sigh and snatches Camels off counter.


Clerk

(Mutters.) You're going to need pall BEARERS in a few seconds!


Clerk slams Pall Malls onto counter.


Clerk

Here are your Malls! The Australian wines are over there! (Using ticket to hammer home point.) But… THIS… is the… LAST… of the… "WaZoo Show" scratch game lottery TICKETS!!

Andy

That's it?

Clerk

THAT'S IT!!

Andy

Okay, then. I'll just take five "WaZoo Show" lottery tickets.


Cut to clerk cocking shotgun.


Clerk

(Menacingly.) I said this is the end of the "WaZoo Show!

Clerk points shotgun at Andy. Cut to black. Sound of shotgun blast. Cut to movie theatre auditorium in total darkness. Camera backs out through auditorium doors into lobby. Usher is standing outside doors with a broom and dustpan. He shrugs at camera. He un-props doors and re-enters auditorium. Doors fall shut behind him. Roll credits and bloopers.

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