Truth: Snack Cakes

By Adam R.W. Woolhouse

Commercial #1:

Scene: A man, with a piece of paper. He begins to read.

Man: The packaging for your Snack Cake came from Taiwan. So did the prostitute who gave your Uncle John syphilis.

A man, with sores, is next to an Asian whore. She is holding a Twinkie, eating it a little too seductively.

Man: You know what you have to do.

CG: Truth: Snack Cakes.com

Commercial #2:

Scene: A teenage boy enters a party. He begins walking up to a couple of girls. As he gets closer, they look up at him. He pulls out a Hostess Cupcake.

Girl #1: Um, excuse me. We don’t do that.

He looks kind of dejected, and keeps walking towards a group of guys.

Guy #1: Man, you ain’t gonna eat that here, are ya?

Teenage boy looks a little hurt, and walks on.

Guy #2: Hey fatty! You like cakes, fatty?

Teenage boy walks into a kitchen. Another girl approaches.

Girl #2: Um, you’re going to eat that outside, right?

Teenage boy walks outside. The party can still be heard, inside. He takes the cupcake out, and bites into it.

Voice-over: Still think everyone is eating snack cakes?

CG: Snack Cakes.com/lardass

Commercial #3:

Scene: A man, alone in front of a curtain, reading from a piece of paper.

Man: An executive of the Little Debbie company was allegedly quoted as saying, quote: "We do not believe that, in our own many, many studies that we’ve conducted, that snack cakes in any way, shape, or form, contribute to fatness, obesity, chubiness, or general lard-ass-ness." Well, Mr. Executive. This is a picture of my sister, Judy. She was just 16 at the time. Here she is now, at age 20.

Man pulls curtain away, to reveal a fat man in a wig.

Man: Do you believe now, you son of a bitch?

Fat Man in wig stuffs three Twinkies in his mouth at once.

Voice-over: This could be your sister. Hubba hubba.

CG: Snack Cakes.com/no_fat_chicks